The Development of Listening Skills

Being able to truly listen to people and making them feel heard and understood is a true asset, whether you are a manager in an organization, student, parent or friend. Good listening skills are essential building blocks to effective communication, regardless of whether you are going on a first date, job interview or business meeting with prospective new clients. Anyone can learn how to develop their listening skills with a few simple techniques.

Develop Active Listening Skills

New York Times writer Marci Alboher points out in a blog post on effective listening skills that most people are completely unaware of when they are not listening. During a conversation, many people are focused primarily on what they want to say next. This is a barrier to effective communication because both parties are not listening to each other, increasing the chances of miscommunication. Use active listening skills and make a choice to really listen to what another person is saying. A key active listening technique is called mirroring. In an interview with Divorce Magazine, renowned relationship therapist Harville Hendrix points out that for effective communication to occur, "you have to learn to 'mirror'--to actively reflect or hold--what a person is saying." During a conversation, reflect back to the other person what they have just said. Use phrases such as, "If I understand you correctly, then what you are saying is...." This shows the other person that you are actively engaged in listening, and offers the opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings.

Be Aware of Body Language

Being attuned to another person's body language during a conversation also demonstrates that you are in touch with the other person. It shows that you are on the same level. Keeping an open posture by, for example, not crossing your arms or legs, exhibits openness and shows that you are relaxed and willing to listen. Eye contact is another important component of body language. Dale Carnegie Training´s blog on developing better listening skills states that "if one is preoccupied, they may project visual indications of that, such as indirect eye contact." Maintaining eye contact is another way of showing that you are engaged in the conversation.

Keep an Open Mind

Keeping an open mind can be a crucial factor in the development of listening skills. Whether we are aware of it or not, we sometimes are subconsciously trying to find fault with the person with whom we are speaking. People generally want to be right, and if we hear something that is contrary to our beliefs, we stop listening and instead focus on how we can prove the other person wrong. Whether in a business conversation or a discussion with our loved ones, it is important to be able to open up to the view points and opinions of another person without becoming defensive. Becoming aware of this habit can greatly improve the development of good listening skills, because once you acknowledge that this has occurred, you can try to put it aside and instead continue to focus on what the other person is saying.

Minimize External Distractions

Minimizing external distractions can help with developing good listening skills. If you are in a noisy environment, for example, in a crowded office with ringing phones and loud conversations, it is going to be difficult to have a meaningful interaction, and your ability to listen, let alone to just hear, will be severely impacted. Choose to lessen these distractions and take as much control as possible over your environment.

Avoid Giving Advice

A quotation by Ralph Nichols from the International Listening Association states, "The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." In general, people just want to be heard, and that includes feeling validated and that someone else has empathy for whatever their situation is. Listening does not mean fixing every situation or giving a solution. It can be tempting to give unsolicited advice, especially if you think you know a better way or solution, but giving advice too soon can make the other person feel shut down, or as though you don't care about what he is saying.